Sick to Death of the Olympics ? Well Dan is and this week is no different. How are Sydney-sider managing ?

Mickey Under Siege – So What’s New?

Olympic hero Mickey Knight is having atough week of it this week. Under fire and under siege from all directions as one scandal after another breaks over his head. Firstly there’s the small matter of the extra $140 million of taxpayers’ money being pissed up against the wall for yet another olympic ‘rescue package’.

This is currently being investigated by another inquiry into the NSW Treasury, not forgetting the other Mickey Twin – Mickey Egan (She’ll be right, maaates, the olympics are all paid for, nudge, nudge, wink, wink…). Mickey also refused to deny that more money may be required to help the games so that she’ll be right on the day. Can you believe the arrogance of these frigging morons??? Next there’s Mickey’s summons to court for alleged breach of contracts regarding the Entertainment Centre and the SuperDome facilities. And to top the week off, the dreaded “D” word has raised its ugly head, as we all knew it would, at this critical time. Other important issues remain unresolved, like the ticket delivery envelopes fiasco and the 75,000 ‘dormant’ ticket fiasco and the inadequate transport fiasco. Tough week, Mickey? Tough shit for you, maaaaate! After all, your maaaaate Kevan tells us all that you’re a frigging hero and you can handle the heat. Let’s turn up the burners and watch the bastards squirm!

IOC Blows Into Town Again For Visit #11

Jacky Rogge, number two in the IOC and front runner for Big Juan’s big job, blew into town again for the eleventh time this week for a ‘final’ check of the facilities and to give Sydder-ney the big tick to proceed. How big of them. Who paid for this junket number eleven? How many bloody cocktail parties and receptions did they attend while here? How much did this cost the taxpayer? Did they visit the wreckage of the farcical volleyball arena at Bondi Beach or were they too busy checking that the social schedule for the IOC gravy train is in place? All the best brothels identified? Massage parlours? Gay bars? Hospitals for ‘olympic family’? Special transport arrangements for ‘olympic family’ in place? All the local peasants told to stay off the streets? All the homeless relocated? Just splendid, chaps! Oh, and by the way, there might even be some athletic events arranged to keep the masses entertained with bread and circuses… No wonder a large percentage of locals are fed up to the back teeth with all this bullshit!

Holidays In Lausanne Used As Volunteer Incentive

You read about the special Lausanne deal first here in Crikey – a shortfall of 11,000 olympic volunteers has prompted organisers to offer holidays in Lausanne, Switzerland as an incentive to join the gang (what’s wrong with these people? Disappointed? Disillusioned? Or just plain Disgusted???) Yep, folks, rush in now to be an olympic bloody volunteer and you could end up doing exciting things in the Olympic Village like Kieren Perkins’ washing (I shit thee not, people, this ad was on the teev!!!) or maybe just picking up used condoms around the living quarters. After all, if all those kids are hyped up on testosterone as we are led to believe, there won’t be just jitterbugging going on after dark! Yep, folks, y’all rush on in now and volunteer your valuable time to get the IOC and SOCOCK-UP out of another mess and we’ll send on over to Juan’s place – conditions apply, naturally, for this particular phreebie: you’ll go in winter time and you definitely won’t be up the phront in phirst class with Juan-baby, Kev, Jacky and all the other IOC leeches. Take a hint, Sydder-ney-siders, find something better to do with your time in September.

Carry Your Bags? – Not If You Haven’t Got Any!

The Sydder-ney Airport Authority is spending $43 million to upgrade facilities for the bloody games. (No, don’t bother asking where the money’s coming from.) Last weekend, the new automatic baggage handling system failed. This resulted in 6500 passenger delays and 2000 bags being left behind. Now just imagine this: if all the athletes arrive with no baggage, they’ll have to compete in the nude, exactly like they did in the original games. Something for everyone AND they get phree phrangers as well! But don’t you worry about the airport problems, she’ll be right on the day…

Aussies Suffer From Mid-Winter Sports Blues

It’s mid-winter here in Sydder-ney and all the slavering sports excitement seems to have gone off the boil. Nothing much happening in Wugby Weague. No great interest in the European Soccer. Tennis – who cares, just another bunch of tantrum-throwing teens with poisonous parents; boring, boring, boring. Sports freaks and armchair experts were reduced to watching the dreaded boxing match between Cro-Magnon Man and Motor-Mouth Man. Despite all the media-wank-hype, it was all over in a few seconds (a message there for the ladies, perhaps…) and the whole thing was a big flop. You’d be better off, gentle readers, tuning in to ABC-FM to catch the vicious shit fight that’s erupted at the Sydney Pianoforte Competition between contestants, organisers and commentators. A lustier three-way turd-hurling contest you won’t find for those suffering from the mid-winter sports blues. But don’t despair, sports fiends, the olympic circus will be here soon and of course, she’ll be right on the day; Mickey says so!

Drugs Scandal Erupts – Such A Big Surprise!!!

Well, surprise surprise – the evil spectre of Drugs-in-Sport raised its ugly head yesterday with the launching of a new book by Aussie gold-medal-sports-hero Werner Reiterer. You’ve never heard of him because he’s not a swimmer (bow, scrape, genuflect) or a tanty-throwing tennis brat (hurl abuse and racquet now) – he throws discus; and I thought discus was those things you shove in the computer! Naturally there’s been a highly embarrassed rush for another inquiry before the games. Red faces all round. this couldn’t be happening to our purer than pure Aussie sports icons!!! Channel 7’s coverage of the event was quite strained, a strangled silence like a pricked balloon, or similar device. We were even spared the inevitable cut to You-Know-Who for Her Bloody Opinion – amazing! The Chinese must be pissing themselves laughing and the (East) Chermanz are believed to have cracked a brief smile. But now, when faced with the inevitable barrage of demands to name names, Weenie won’t talk and the whole inquiry has been stillborn before it began. What a load of fucking steaming shit! Can this olympic crap get any worse? Whatever happened to the whiter-than-white, cleaner-than-clean, drug-free Aussie olympics? Schlock und Horror! We’ve all been betrayed by our beloved hero athletes!!! Well, amigos, you’ve all been hallucinating if you think that we could eliminate drugs from sport and you ain’t heard the last of this scandal by any means! BOHICA!

This has been another steaming olympic report from your intrepid reporter with the spies on the inside. Aren’t you all sickened by this olympic bullshit yet? When will it all go away??? Don’t forget, she’ll be right on the day – I’m from the olympics and I’m here to help you…

Dan