Crikey’s slimy soft-shoe crimesiders, the Kooka Brothers, donned the wrap-around shades, pony tail and chunky gold chains, to farewell the latest murdered Melbourne Mobster – ‘The Munster’:

From the 3rd sealed section, December 19, 2003

To the hokey strains of Roger Whittaker’s The Last Farewell, Graham ‘The Munster’ Kinniburgh left his mortal coil in Melbourne today.

Kinniburgh, 62, was the lastest victim of a five-year war that’s claimed 21 lives. And at today’s service, padre to the Mob, Father Peter Norden, warned grieving family and friends to put down the guns and the killings for Christmas.

Norden pleaded for respect for ‘the Munster’ and each other as 1000 of Melbourne’s finest cops & robbers donned their best cheap suits and gathered to say goodbye to the gangster at the Sacred Heart Church in Kew.

“Strength is not measured down the barrel of a gun,” he told the congregation, which included Kinniburgh’s childhood friend Judy Moran, the mother of murdered drug dealers Jason and Mark.

Today was our 21st gangland outing since we bade farewell to our old standover mate Alphonse Gangitano in January 1998. Both Al and former pal Jason Moran were farewelled from St Mary’s Star of the Sea in West Melbourne (the traditional home of the gangster funeral).

Midyear, Pasquale ‘Little Pat’ Barbaro’s funeral was held at St Mary’s Church in Ascot Vale – while the kids at the adjoining Catholic school were kept at home lest they run into any naughty Mafia types.

But the Crikey team is made of sterner stuff than the Catholic Archdiocese. We were there today to mingle and share the Holy Water with Melbourne’s Mafia finest – or what’s left of them.

In keeping with Kinniburgh’s shift from the backstreets of once unfashionable Richmond to the leafy eastern suburbs, the Munster has moved his last gig to the bourgeoisie Sacred Heart in Cotham Road at Kew.

Last time Crikey was there, it was for more of a mainstream family gathering – IPR emperor Laurie Kerr’s last supper.

Family friend Ben Dunn told the crooked congregation Kinniburgh was the world’s kindest man, a generous and wise family man. Funny then that the man with convictions for dishonesty, bribery and firearms offences died in a hail of bullets last Saturday night.

“I read all this rubbish in the papers on Sunday,” Dunn told the congregation. “These people didn’t know him. They have no ability, no talent. That’s why they’re journalists.”

Outside, a crowd of journos jostled in the heat. Inside, detectives took quiet notes. Easily identifiable, they were the well-dressed ones.

The Munster, Ben recalled, gave him the coat off his back on a cold winter’s night and cash in the bank as a struggling student.

Peter Norden, a former head of Jesuit Social Services and one-time chaplain at Pentridge Prison, spoke of his 20 year friendship with the murdered crim. Then he turned to the subject of retribution, reminding us to turn the other cheek and walk the extra mile.

He remembered fondly how young Graham was an animal lover, who once set free the elephants at Silvers Circus down the road, allowing them to parade, free, down Swan St.

Mourners spoke of the strangely opulent habits of a poor waterside worker brought up in Richmond’s Kimber Street. Days lounging upstairs at the exclusive Grossi Florentino; nights spent scoffing Peking Duck at Melbourne’s best Chinese restaurant, the Flower Drum. The restaurant’s owner, Gilbert Lau, was not seen at today’s farewell to “Mr Graham”.

Dughter Susie Wilcox remembered his humble ways: “His gold Rolex, his cashmere coat and his Benson & Hedges special filters.”

A harmless man, with not an enemy in the world. Except for the bloke who shot him outside the family home in leafy Kew on Saturday night. Eight times.

A man who – without any visible means of support – managed to put his children through private schools, and married his son off to the daughter of a well-to-do family. Mobsters and old money repaired to the lavish reception at The Windsor.

Old friend, boxing manager Leo McDonald, spoke of the man: “I managed an Australian champion, Mick Gatto, a world champion, Barry Michael. And this guy was Champion of the Universe.”

The Munster stuck to “victim-less” crime – safe cracking and burglary. Those silly enough to enquire, were told his occupation was a “rigger”.

Greed, or revenge – or both – is the likely motive. Kinniburgh’s close alliance with the murdered Moran brothers meant he was a potential obstacle for those wanting to control the amphetamine market.

Kinniburgh’s murder wipes the slate of all four men present the night the Lygon St Godfather, Alphonse Gangitano, was murdered in his Templestowe home five years ago.

Coroner Iain West last year implicated Kinniburgh and Jason Moran in the murder, saying both were present when Gangitano was shot in the head at close range.

Another crim, Russell Warren Smith, drove Moran to and from the house – but later “committed suicide”.

Kinniburgh was born away on his final journey by pallbearers including the imposing figure of ex-boxer and Gangitano associate, Mick Gatto, son Darren, and the son of Melbourne identity, Jack Sparrow, Adam.

The cortege left for Springvale crematorium, via the Munster’s Burnley Golf Club, with a wake over the road at Kew RSL.