“The time has also come,” said John
Howard in his address to the
nation on Wednesday, “for root and branch renewal of the
teaching of Australian history in our schools, both in terms of the numbers
learning and the way it is taught.”

We understand Howard is setting up a new Office for Core Australian
Values. They are already hard at work on drafting the core curriculum that will
be used to teach values to our kiddies in public schools – private schools are
apparently to get a more expensive version.

A draft was leaked to Crikey by a source close to keen new Education
Minister Julie Bishop:

Australian Un-Australian
Mateship Gay
marriage
Captain
Cook and the first fleet		 All boat
people and illegals
Home
ownership		 Aboriginal
tent embassy
Cork
hats		 Towel-heads
Mining
uranium in national parks and selling it to China		 Anti-nuke
greenie troublemakers
Brown
coal		 Spoiling
our coastline with hippie wind farms
Channel
Nine		 Pinko
leftist commos at the ABC
Rupert
Murdoch		 Pinko
leftist commos at the ABC
Andrew
Bolt		 Pinko
leftist commos at the ABC
The
Bush		 Limp-wristed latte-sipping inner city
leftists
Beer A
cheeky Bordeaux
Buying a
kebab at 3am		 Inner-city
Ethnic Enclaves
John
Howard’s tracksuits		 Zegna
suits
Simpson
& his donkey		 Two blokes
and a cocker spaniel
Phar
Lap		 Modern
“art”
Anzac
Day		 Public
holidays*
Our golden beaches Middle
Eastern thugs on our golden beaches
Singing our national anthem Moaning
about anti-terrorism legislation
Shane
Warne		 Mark
Philippousis
Porkbarrelling Rural and Regional
Australia		 Ratting on
your political mates
Fridge magnets Multiculturalism
The
Coalition of the Willing		 Signing the
Kyoto Protocol
Beating up
on our regional neighbours and stealing their oil		 Cutting and
running
Offshore
and desert detention centres		 Bleeding-heart human rights
lawyers
Tougher
sentences for criminals		 The
Criminal Justice System that’s out-of-touch with ordinary
Australians
Geoffrey
Blainey		 The Black
Armband view of history
Ayers
Rock		 Uluru (and
other trendy foreign place names for our National
Icons)

*except for
Christmas, which was saved by Barnaby Joyce.

Perhaps
Crikey readers have their own ideas on what should form this important new
cornerstone of the nation’s education system? Suggestions please to hugo@crikey.com.au