Does anyone actually give a flying fig about Prince William?

He seems like a nice, if prematurely balding, fellow. But is bypassing his father to make Will the King really going to make any difference to how Australians feel about the monarchy?

Well yes, if you believe the David Flints of the world. A group of people, says Crikey blog Pure Poison, “whose entire support for the monarchy seems more like something out of a trashy romance novel”.

According to the Bolt household, it’s all about the ladies. Their love of Robert Pattinson aside, cougars are the key to the monarchy’s popularity in this country:

Do you really think the women of Australia will vote to get rid of King William? Do you really think Women’s Weekly readers and the cuppa tea ladies will deny themselves their handsome prince?

But the real clincher, suggests Herald Sun opinion writer Sally Morrell, is to drum up another fair Mary:

If Prince William really wants to please his grandmother on this visit to Australia, he should fall in love with a local girl.

It would kill the republican movement dead. The Windsors would still rule here, OK.

Yes, the Republic issue isn’t nearly as nuanced as, say, discussing the niceties of constitutional reform. Instead, let’s whore out our fairest maidens, starting with thoroughbred Miranda Kerr (good legs, values nutrition, not sure bout the child-bearing hips …), to cement young Will as our head of state.