Comfort women, childrens’ sun hats, the Macksville Bridge, koala colonies and television for the blind. These were the sorts of questions asked at last night’s Community Cabinet, held in the assembly hall at Sydney’s Epping Boys High School.

Ministers have to be well prepared for a Community Cabinet, but it was clear that Anthony Albanese hadn’t planned for a question on the Macksville Bridge. However, it didn’t faze him; he could reel off endless stats about Pacific Highway funding and, like the old pro that he is, compare them favourably with the coalition’s.

Last night’s meeting was the twenty second CC, most of which have been held in marginal seats. Epping Boys is deep inside the seat of Bennelong, held by Maxine McKew on a slender margin of 1.4%. Kevin had spent the day in Bennelong, including a visit to Ryde Hospital and the Eastwood Mall.

At the front gates, we were greeted by plumber and Liberal Party operative Nathaniel Smith holding a large sign saying “Blah, Blah, Blah.” Smith, the son of NSW State Shadow Attorney General Greg Smith, is running the campaign of Liberal candidate for Bennelong John Alexander, who wasn’t in evidence.

It all took a long time to get going  – first of all we had to stand and sing the national anthem. From my front-row seat, I could tell that that Marn Ferguson and Joe Ludwig, the Special Minister of State, did not know the words to the second verse.

Then the PM introduced the cabinet, each of whom had to stand and wave at the audience. Unfortunately for Bill Shorten, he was right out on one end, squashed behind a towering, stiletto-shod Kate Ellis.

Rudd peered into the distance. “And who is that behind you, Kate, is that Bill?” he asked.

Then we had talk an extended chat from the PM, who told the audience that that as a young lad, he used to come down from Queensland every year to spend holidays with his Aunty Ivy in her Housing Commission house in West Ryde.

“How much this community has changed since then.”

Kevin, sans tie, and Maxine both spoke about what a fabulous electorate it was, and how much the federal government had done for it. The PM’s speech included references to the new netball courts in Meadowbank, so you knew he had been well briefed, and it was a good 50 minutes until he finally relinquished the microphone.

The first question came from a lady from Friends of Comfort Women Australia. Rudd, unable to quickly choose a Minister  for Comfort Women, bravely took it on himself, saying that “it was a very sad chapter in the history of World War Two, the scars of which are still borne by many of the women today.”

One of the audience asked why high school children were not required to wear a sun hat, and although it seemed like a trivial question, Kevin took it very seriously, saying that he was from Queensland, the skin cancer capital of Australia. He then flicked it to the Minister for Health, Nanny Nicola Roxon, whose recent announcement that sharing a bottle of wine with a friend was “binge-drinking” has made me deeply suspicious.

This time, she lived up to expectations, tut-tutting about teenagers and sun protection. What is a wild night out in the Roxon household – sprinkling your food with salt?

Right at the end, the PM picked out a man who asked about a new technology enabling blind people to watch TV. We sat in stunned silence, but the PM quickly rose to the challenge. Hearing the word  “TV”, he passed it on to Stephen Conroy, who had obviously been prepped on the NBN but was clueless about unsighted television. Conroy said that he would ask the ABC about it, and then looked imploringly at Rudd, who, without missing a beat, chatted on about government funding for the bionic eye.

Someone asked about immigration, but Kevin had clearly anticipated this, and immediately flicked it onto Tony Burke, who has been the Minister for Population since Monday. Tony was clearly chosen for his ability to sound like Kevin, and so was able to effortlessly say that “in 12 months time, for the first time, the government will have started to catch up with a conversation that the Australian people have been having for many, many years.”

Another person asked about a koala colony on the South Coast which is up for the chop, and that was immediately passed on to the Minister for Furry Animals. Garrett, who has learned his lesson about irony, kept it straight, although, of course, he didn’t answer the question.

The whole problem with the night, of course, is the mismatch of expectations. The audience think that they are there to get answers to questions and goggle at pollies in the flesh. But most of the night is a marketing exercise; none of the politicians are going to come out and say, “…we are very sorry about the comfort women but there’s not much we can do about it, we can’t make teenager wear hats, and we haven’t a f..king clue about blind TV.”

No doubt some sensible questions were asked in the subsequent one-on-one interviews, and perhaps there will be some “optimal outcomes.” Anyway, Kevin clearly loved it, running around with the microphone like an extremely prolix Dr Phil – he could have carried on for hours.

It reminded me about a comment made by Bob Ellis  that “men are more about outcomes and women about procedure”. The PM is more like a woman in that way, he said, adding,  “his bureaucratic tendency is positively Chinese.”

Afterwards, people lined up for their pre-booked one-on-one meetings with a Minister. I wandered into a large room which looked like a group of middle-aged speed daters – except Wayne Swan and Marn Ferguson had clearly been stood up.

Suddenly, a man with a clipboard appeared at my elbow, asking me, “are you a journalist?”

“Yes,” I said winningly, hoping desperately I’d be offered a drink.

“Then you are not supposed to be here, and I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” With that, he continued a rather unfortunate Crikey tradition by grabbing me lightly by the elbow and marching me out of the room.

“It’s alright,” I said huffily, “I’ll go quietly.”