Finding traditional long-form prose insufficient to cope with the unrelenting upheaval and series of crises of this year, Crikey thought it would be appropriate to, well, appropriate the most vital of Japanese imports, soon to flood our country after Abbott’s free trade agreement: the humble haiku, lovingly bastardised. But don’t let us have all the fun this silly season — try your own! If you get stuck, just pretend you’re haggling over the Medicare co-payment with a stubborn crossbencher: five — seven? — five.

Medical Co-payment:

Senate ducks quack-tax —
now who’ll pay for the rebate?
Joe counsels: patients.

Shirt-front, Warships:

Seeing Red, Abbott
learns gunboat diplomacy
trumps AFL fouls.

or:

“Dammit, Morrison,
you said you could stop the boats!
Bring more koalas.”

Whitlam’s Death:

His Labor done, Gough
finds his reward in a place
free from worldly Kerrs.

Rolf Harris:

Pegged as a pervert,
Jake’s extra leg goes wobbly
as victims cry Rolf.

Malaysia Airlines:

To lose one plane may
be seen as a misfortune;
both, and stocks plummet.

Carbon Tax:

Witch ditched, tax axed — strewth,
Obama won’t be happy.
Boys, back to Iraq.

Julien Blanc:

Twitter gets choked up,
gives Morrison a Blanc cheque
to cancel sleazes.

Khaled Sharrouf:

Father of the Year
shows his son the importance
of getting a head.

Peter Greste:

Egypt’s president
buries head in sand, scared he’ll
look like a Sisi.

Brandis Interview:

Caught in his own web,
George shows just how hard it is
to retain data.