Good morning, Australia. Meet Winston Peters, the man currently deciding who will be New Zealand’s next prime minister. When I was asked to write this piece, I warned Crikey‘s associate editor that, by Monday, it might still all be a big hot mess — and behold!

Quick recap: On Saturday, the incumbent centre-right National party received the most votes, but not enough to govern alone. The Labour party — which was toast eight weeks ago, but enjoying a surge with new leader Jacinda Adern — went up 10%, but it still wasn’t enough for victory, even with the support of the Greens. This leaves Peters’ NZ First Party — which polled around 7% — as the only potential coalition partner for either side. Basically, Winston has the keys to the car of stable government (or is that the whole bowl at the key party?).

So, morning has broken over the Land of the Long White Cloud and a 72-year-old man, who lost his own electoral seat on Saturday by approximately 1300 votes, is once again deciding who gets to sit at the big table.

Once again you say? Oh yes. When NZ adopted the mixed-member proportional representation (MMP) electoral system in 1996, Peters — king- and queen-maker in that election, too — led such protracted negotiations over nearly two months that we all thought MMP was the worst thing we had done since letting Australia nick John Clarke. 

Yes, I have noticed you, Australia, giving NZ’s MMP electoral system a bit of flirty side eye, thinking how nice it could be to open up to other, newer and more exciting, parties and feeling a bit bored by your system, but you can now witness the very complicated morning-after of a MMP election as it unfolds next door. It’s a bit like having a hangover for three weeks after a party that lasted for two months.

[Four fun facts about Jacinda Ardern, the ex-Mormon who might become NZ’s PM]

New Zealanders can now expect to sit and wait for possibly two weeks to know who their government will be while negotiations get started and the special votes (all 380,000 of them — which normally skew left) are counted. I say possibly, because with Peters, anything is possible. In a move worthy of a Sopranos episode, Peters, during this interview 10 days before the election, sent a staffer to retrieve a decades-old document from the boot of his car to prove to interviewer Guyon Espiner that he had not been fired three times — only two.

Peters has formed governments with both the left and the right before, and if there is any common thread, it is that he does what he wants to, and will take his own sweet time. Winston whisperers are desperately trying to analyse what his past deals might mean for New Zealand over the next few weeks. Both of his previous coalitions extended the lifespan of an existing government, but not for long.

I personally cannot remember a time in which Peters was not part of the NZ political narrative. He has lost and re-won seats in different parts of the country over his vast political career. He says he prefers fishing to politics, and I say that’s only a partial truth; he prefers the hunt over anything else, and elections are hunting season.

And if you think I’m exaggerating about how much front this man has, here’s my favourite Winston anecdote. Some years ago, when returning to parliament after having been in the civilian wilderness for three long years, he started his maiden speech with “As I was saying, before I was interrupted …”