(Image: Tom Red/Private Media)

More than a million students this week will sit down to the annual NAPLAN test, to assess their literacy and numeracy skills. But why should the kids have all the fun? In the spirit of budget day, here’s a little NAPLAN for Josh Frydenberg:

1. How is “debt” best described?

  1. as something good, and we need more of it
  2. inevitable, given an election chest needs filling
  3. an inheritance
  4. best ignored

2. Today’s budget will…

  1. save our bacon
  2. increase the price of bacon
  3. encourage primary producers to invest in piggeries
  4. have a few hidden porkies

3. Which one of these commodities is not currently surging?

  1. iron ore prices
  2. Stuart Robert’s popularity
  3. national debt
  4. house prices

4. Is Stuart Robert a…

  1. character in a children’s book?
  2. character in a children’s book?
  3. character in a children’s book?
  4. character in a children’s book?

5. How many zeros in one trillion?

  1. not enough
  2. too many
  3. nine
  4. 100 million

6. Which of these is more likely?

  1. a sub-5% unemployment rate
  2. no child living in poverty
  3. Australia being back in surplus by the time Scott Morrison has grandkids
  4. Stuart Robert becoming prime minister
  5. a political promise delivered on time

7. How would you describe an “economy”?

  1. a lot of moving parts
  2. the sum of all our efforts
  3. a savage beast
  4. a Piscean

8. How would you describe the J-curve in economics?

  1. the way our balance of trade worsens following a currency devaluation and then quickly recovers
  2. no idea
  3. like a U-turn in policy but you don’t go all the way
  4. can I have this as a question on notice?

9. Given some community concern around the COVID-19 vaccine, would you recommend…

  1. the AstraZeneca vaccine?
  2. the Pfizer jab?
  3. hope?
  4. a Scotch before bed?

10. Will you celebrate your budget with…

  1. Joe Hockey and a cigar?
  2. a Scotch before bed?
  3. a table-top dance in Manuka?
  4. there won’t be anything to celebrate

11. The next election will be held…

  1. this year
  2. next year
  3. when our fortunes improve
  4. Scott won’t tell me

12. Malcolm Bligh Turnbull AC, is…

  1. a former Liberal prime minister
  2. a former Labor prime minister
  3. a thorn in our side
  4. bored

13. How much is a loaf of bread?

  1. don’t know
  2. 76 cents
  3. can I ask my wife?
  4. spelt, sourdough or Turkish?

14. The most shocking news this week is…

  1. Bill and Melinda Gates going their own way
  2. revelations of how many places a guy has to visit before he can get a good barbecue
  3. the deficit number I’ll be announcing tonight
  4. that Stuart Robert has offered to do a robo-sell on the budget

15. This budget will…

  1. set us up for another term in Parliament
  2. send the country broke
  3. help me become prime minister
  4. start another fight with Queensland.