God bless the Germans. They’ve given the world the so much: the printing press, computers, elevators, SIM cards, sex shops, hole punches, MDMA and, sadly, the accordion.
But, Crikey satirist Tom Red argues, Germany’s greatest contribution to civilisation is its priceless compendium of ingenious insults. Here he unpacks a few choice examples — places them in a local context. As he’s sure you’ll agree, Wir leben in den besten Zeiten, in den schlimmsten Zeiten — we live in the best of times and the worst of times.
Dünnbrettbohrer
Literal translation: Driller of thin planks.
Meaning: Someone who always takes the easy way out.
Example: “If the PM were less of a dünnbrettbohrer, we’d all be vaccinated by now.”
Heisseluftgeblӓse
Literal translation: Hot-air gun.
Meaning: Waffling, word mangler.
Example: “If he wants to win, Albo needs to ditch the heisseluftgeblӓse along with his entire policy platform.”
Arschgeige
Literal translation: Butt violin.
Meaning: A dangerously incompetent person.
Example: “Why put an arschgeige like Colbeck in charge of aged care?”
Teletubbyzurückwinker
Literal translation: Waves back at the Teletubbies.
Meaning: Someone who is way out of their depth.
Example: “In a crowded field, Linda Reynolds remains parliament’s ultimate teletubbyzurückwinker.”
Backpfeifengesicht
Literal translation: A face that invites slaps.
Meaning: A face that invites slaps.
Example: “You wouldn’t be the first person to call Tim Wilson a backpfeifengesicht.”
Lustmolch
Literal translation: A pleasure newt.
Meaning: Tireless seeker of physical pleasure.
Example: “Can you believe that red-faced lustmolch got his old gig back?”
Handschuhschneeballwerfer
Literal translation: Wears gloves to throw snowballs.
Meaning: Coward who snipes from the sidelines.
Example: “Did you hear Greg Hunt trying to blame ATAGI for the AstraZeneca shemozzle? Total handschuhschneeballwerfer flex.”
Evolutionsbremse
Literal translation: Evolutionary brake.
Meaning: Someone who subtracts from the sum of human knowledge.
Example: “Did you catch Craig Kelly on Peta Credlin’s show last night? It was a double evolutionsbremse.”
Jeansbügler
Literal translation: Ironer of jeans.
Meaning: Polar opposite of cool.
Example: “Will you miss Kevin Andrews when the old jeansbügler finally leaves parliament?”
Sockenfalter
Literal translation: Folder of socks.
Meaning: A drab, pedantic person.
Example: “I’ve always felt Kevin was more of a sockenfalter than a jeansbügler.”
Have you got any foreign phrases — German or otherwise — that could sum up our political class? Let us know your thoughts by writing to letters@crikey.com.au. Please include your full name to be considered for publication in Crikey’s Your Say section.
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