(Image: Tom Red/Private Media)

As always at Crikey, we like to stay abreast of current political literature, and today we’re looking at the abuse we received yesterday from what appears to be a coordinated campaign from Craig Kelly fans over our publication of his mobile number.

For the sake of clarity, we remain very happy to have been able to provide the service to our readers of giving them Kelly’s number so that they can return the favour if they’ve been spammed by his noxious texts. We figure that if Kelly doesn’t like receiving annoying unsolicited messages on his phone, he wouldn’t be in the business of sending them out in the first place.

All that said, if some feel they have a legitimate gripe, Crikey is a member of the Australian Press Council and we’re more than happy for people to lodge a complaint. To do so, go here and fire away. We’ll naturally treat the complaints process with respect.

So let’s have a look at some of the observations of Kelly’s fans.

First, we have to take issue with the legal expertise of our complainants.

“Absolutely disgusting providing an avenue for people to be vulgar to someone you do not like. Posting Craig Kelly’s number is illegal,” said one.

“Your journalist committed a telecommunications crime by doing so,” said another. Sorry folks, it’s not illegal.

Others went further: “It’s disgusting and unprofessional that your journalist committed a crime inciting the public to harass Craig Kelly”; “It is illegal to use a carriage service (Twitter, phone call or message) [to] menace or harass and reflects greatly on the ethics of your business.”

Alas, we did nothing of the sort — we simply told people where they could respond to his spam texts, and encouraged them to do so politely. And for the person who claimed releasing his number is a breach of privacy laws: nope. It’s no more a breach than his spamming people with texts.

But that wasn’t the end of the legal statements. “The putrid scumbag coward who messed with Craig Kelly should be tried for treason.” Well, that escalated quickly. I’m happy to own “putrid scumbag” (Paul Keating, is that you?) but treason would seem to be a bit of a stretch. But an even longer bow awaited me with: “What the press and media have done in this country is crimes [sic] against humanity and be assured you will be brought to justice.” 

I can definitely see myself sittin’ in a dock at the Hague, as Otis Redding so famously sang, for revealing Craig Kelly’s phone number.

Then again I’m no lawyer — unlike the self-described solicitor who told us Kelly was “fighting for our fundamental rights and freedoms! Will never read your site or consider subscribing again. I have notified the 100 odd solicitors in my network and we all concur that Crikey should be boycotted and will notify all our friends and families of same. Shame on you!”

We’re understandably shattered not merely that the lawyer in question will never consider subscribing again — we doubt, somehow, they ever gave it a lot of consideration in the first place — but that we now have a 100-lawyer army on our case. (And there’s a good “I’m Brian and so’s my wife!” vibe from the “notify all our friends and families” bit.)

Our spirits were lifted, however, by the appearance of conspiracy theories. “You’re also an ignorant, ill-advised moron who hasn’t the slightest clue about anything except pushing the government’s socialist New World Order. Enjoy your future, or lack thereof,” wrote one complainant. Another told us Kelly is “well respected for speaking the truth, just because you don’t like him, and in fact support the NWO, is no reason to behave this way”.

Now, fair cop — we are perpetrators of the climate hoax, yes. We also support the chemtrail conspiracy and poisoning people with fluoride. We’re owned by the Rothschilds, and were founded by descendants of the Knights Templar, and the Melbourne Crikey bunker is located in a Masonic Lodge. Every month, I give over an entire Friday to attending a series of meetings in which I represent Crikey to coordinate our (admittedly small) role in a wide range of conspiracies, dictated by our reptile overlords (praise be their name).

But I tell you what I will not cop and never will cop — any New World Order garbage. We’ve been feuding with those bastards for years and anyone opposed to them has our full support and is welcome to a free subscription. Bloody splitters.

What we were moved by, though, is the patriotism of Kelly’s supporters. “Where have all the good Aussies gone?” one demanded to know. “Please Stop harrasing Craig Kelly MP. He represents the true ANZAC spirit of freedom and decency. He also fights for the Aussie battler like me and my family.” 

Another wrote “It’s a disgrace what Bernard Keane did to Craig Kelly. That is very un-Australian alike.” (Editor’s note: we assume “alike” was an effort to sound like a Yorkshireman). “This is against what it means to be Australian.”:

What can we say? We’re un-Austrayan. Bohemians. Rootless cosmopolitans even. As another complainant wrote, “Sadly the dangerous Marxist ideology is been push [sic] by many enemies within our country thank the Lord there are those who stand against this evil.” Indeed.

Then there were the ones that left us confused.

“Jugo a head you have all my family support,” had us nodding uncertainly. “This should come under incitement of encouraging harrasement [sic] to a Man,” — a section of the Crimes Act we’re not familiar with. “It was heinous act of a journalist and act of freedom,” according to one critic/supporter.

There were a couple that also had us wondering whether Derryn Hinch was secretly trolling us: “You guys are nobs, shame shame shame,” and “SHAME ON YOU!!! SHAME ON YOU!! SHAME ON YOU!! YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!” had us fondly remembering Steve Vizard’s take on “Hunch”.

And finally, if we have to take criticism, it’s always a pleasure to receive it from a person of literature and learning. A big thank you to the gentleman who told us “You are poltroons.” Sir, it is with delight that we receive such a term, even if derogatory.

A little bit of civilization and learning lives on, even deep in Kelly country.