(Image: Private Media)

Jonesing for the spotlight Alan Jones’ first episode of Direct to the People exploded into the living rooms of a grateful public last night — for roughly five minutes before the whole set-up carked it. The feed crashed on every platform it was broadcast on, adding, we assume, to this collection, before returning, bringing relief to fans of hard-right politics and the clumsy shot-in-a-spare-room aesthetic alike.

The producers claimed the glitch was on account of “hundreds of thousands” of people swarming to the Parrot’s premiere, but as news.com.au drily noted, only 1600 of those apparently bothered to leave Jones a like on Facebook, and by the end of the show he could claim a slightly diminished 1322 viewers on YouTube.

If nothing else, it points to the reach and viewing numbers one can expect even at the lower end of the mainstream media — Jones’ audience at Sky, which bobbed about somewhere between a 109,000 high at the very start and lows in the 30,000s, may largely have been people who fell asleep with the TV on, not to mention a pittance by the standards of national TV. But it’s still higher than most YouTubers can dream of.

Given the Joyce The Building Better Regions Fund (BRRF) has never been particularly subtle — in February 2020 it was revealed that 94% of grants had gone to electorates held or targeted by the Coalition. The  Australian National Audit Office (ANAO) announced an audit, and Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce went ahead and poured another $100 million into the fund. For good measure he explicitly said he didn’t care if the scheme was labelled pork-barrelling*.

The sixth helping of this prime roast pork has just dropped, and Joyce certainly isn’t about to start distancing himself from it now. In the document setting out the “grant opportunity guidelines”, on page two he’s taken the highly unusual step of adding a minister’s statement and a beaming picture. Regardless of the ANAO report, he’s all in, clearly.

*We hate to bring all this up on a day when he’s reminded us all of a topic where he’s actually been consistently pretty good.

Dystopia watch It’s always good to keep things in perspective. So for all the sense of fracturing social bonds and failed institutions we encounter in Australia, let’s spare a thought for the nightmarish edges of America.

An arena in South Dakota has been holding an event called “Dash for Cash” where teachers get on their knees and scramble for $1 bills they can use to buy classroom supplies. They are, naturally, surrounded by spectators who hoot and holler their approval.

Corporate compassion Look, we here in the bunker are sometimes accused of being curmudgeonly cynics. In honour of the season, we want to assure our readers that we can also appreciate a feel-good Christmas tale when we see it. And so Queensland real estate agents Kanik and Co sent an email to tenants to offer them … the chance to buy their landlords a gift:

This year has been particularly challenging for both our tenants and property owners alike, and we understand some tenants would like to thank their property owner for everything in 2021. The choice to be involved is 100% optional and you are certainly under no obligation to do so.

Really restores your faith in people, huh?