(Image: Adobe)
(Image: Adobe)

Notorious American beat writer William S Burroughs was once asked by a medic what the American flag meant to him. “Soak it in heroin, doc, and I’ll suck it,” was his frank reply. 

Like heroin, flags make people do and say crazy things. And now, thanks to Adam Bandt, Australians are thinking about what national emblems mean and do not mean.

Crikey satirist Tom Red has pulled together all the latest terminology so when you’re next cornered by a preaching patriot or anarchic pirate, you’ll be prepared.

Flagrant — an intense argument for or against the flag.

Flagellation — a state of erotic religious fervour brought on by flagpoles.

Emblemism — becoming so obsessed with the flag your arteries become blocked and your brain explodes Scanners style.

Banner Banner — someone who campaigns against flags.

Banner Banner Banner — someone who campaigns against someone who campaigns against flags.

White Flag — universal sign of surrender and/or being French.

Flag Bearer — a patriotic burlesque dancer.

False Flag — intergalactic emblem of our lizard overlords.

Flagrante Delicto — being caught red-handed burning a flag, or having sex on it.

Standard — a flag you walk past or accept.

Bog Standard — a flag for a toilet.

Double Standard — a flag for hypocrites.

Letting Your Freak Flag Fly — a Pete Evans designer tea towel featuring activated almonds.

Red Flag — a gesture that indicates someone is about to start a flagrant.

Flagstone — getting your hands on William Burroughs’ flag before he’s sucked it.