Scott Morrison: our beloved ‘globalisation mastermind’ that exuded ‘calm decisiveness and rationale’

The Worldwide Speakers Group bio for the newest member of its roster, former prime minister Scott Morrison, has that same mix of florid and formal, that same barely contained mania for its subject as a missive from the Korean Friendship Association:

Australia’s 30th prime minister, Scott Morrison is the true definition of a leader with a 360º worldview. During his tenure, Morrison was tasked with several difficulties that required unique and innovative solutions. From managing the public safety of Australians during the pandemic to mitigating an economic crisis, controlling natural disasters, and leading the country while others were at war — prime minister Morrison led Australia with his particular brand of calm decisiveness and rationale. A globalisation mastermind, Morrison lends his boundless influence and experience to audiences around the world.

Morrison’s time in office involved “controlling natural disasters”? He’s a “globalisation mastermind”? Did a flock of magpies gather at Parliament to mourn his election loss too?

To the extent you can get any concrete information out of the above paragraph, or his more detailed bio, it’s not strictly true. Did he “manage public safety during the pandemic”? Or was that largely dealt with by the state governments while Morrison’s frontbench undermined them for political reasons? WWSG couldn’t be referring to Australia’s botched vaccine rollout, surely? After all, that wasn’t Morrison’s job.

Elsewhere, we are told Morrison is known for “aggressively working toward a net zero global emissions economy”, which, fuck me dead, where does one start? To be fair, on this point WWSG might just have been reading the months of coverage Morrison received in the mainstream press in 2021, crediting him with commitments and “shifts” on climate change that he hadn’t made.