Would you like to watch cricket with Peter Dutton?

Ah, the Midwinter Ball. Where journalists and the politicians they’re supposed to hold to account have a big party together and agree to a cone of silence over anything anyone might say. Why yes, that does appear to be a degree of cosiness that anyone not engaged in those industries might consider baffling!

Of course it’s all for charity. Earlier this year, the event finally ditched corporate sponsorship, particularly from massive fossil fuel companies. Oh yeah, for the longest time the other major group being held to account by the media — gargantuan corporate interests — paid for a lot of this, is that at all weird? As a result, there’s a touch more pressure on the auction items this year. So what have we got?

A tipster passed on an email from press gallery committee president Jane Norman, sent out yesterday just ahead of the auction going live, offering recipients the chance to bid on fabulous prizes like… watching the cricket with Peter Dutton.

You can also choose to bid on a round of pool or a game of tennis with Anthony Albanese. His doubles team, the Marrickville 6, appears to be a bit rubbish, so at the very least you’d be buying the chance to beat the prime minister at tennis, thus gaining an absolutely top-quality icebreaker next time you start a new job.

Meanwhile, who could resist the idea of taking three mates to witness the high-scoring fun of the Big Bash League with the leader of the opposition? Well. As it turns out, maybe everyone could? At time of writing, the date with Dutton hadn’t received a single bid.

Albanese has gotten a couple of bids, the highest at the moment being from Eamonn Fitzpatrick. Would that be the same Fitzpatrick who was senior press secretary to Labor prime ministers Julia Gillard and Kevin Rudd and whose website describes him as “a veteran of Labor election campaigns including Anthony Albanese’s winning 2022 federal campaign and those of WA Premier Mark McGowan and Queensland Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk”? If so, it’s very decent of him to chuck a bit over five grand to charities in return for something he could presumably arrange via text.

Regardless, Fitzpatrick’s bid for a bit of time with Albanese is dwarfed by the $10,000 anonymous bid for “your choice of luxurious business class return travel for two people from your nearest capital city to one of the following fabulous cities: London or Los Angeles”.

Can you see yourself bidding on a trip to the cricket with Peter Dutton? What would you talk about between innings? Let us know by writing to letters@crikey.com.au. Please include your full name to be considered for publication. We reserve the right to edit for length and clarity.