‘Sat quietly with my pain’: Chanel Contos and stealthing victim to address Parliament

Sexual consent activist Chanel Contos will address Queensland Parliament today to raise awareness of the harm of stealthing, the practice where a person secretly removes a condom during sex without the consent of the other person.

“Stealthing is sexual assault, and it’s important we start acknowledging it as such,” Contos told Crikey ahead of her address to Queensland MPs. 

Contos will be joined in Parliament’s Red Chamber by Elena Whyte, 24, a stealthing victim, who will tell MPs about her assault.

“Initially, I was numb. What if he had deliberately given me an STD or tried to get me pregnant,” Whyte will say, according to speech notes that she shared with Crikey. 

“I think one of the worst feelings post-incident came from a lack of vocabulary. I couldn’t articulate how violated I felt, because I didn’t have a word to describe my experience. I sat quietly with my pain for a long time. 

“Two years after the incident, I heard the word stealthing for the first time. I felt relief because it meant that my experience and the feelings that accompanied it were valid.”

Contos caused a global stir last year after she posted a social media petition that received thousands of testimonies from sexual assault victims in Australia.

She turned the momentum from those responses into a national campaign that has raised awareness about consent and gained political support.

Her goal is to make sure young people are aware of their legal rights and responsibilities by mandating sexual consent education in schools. Several jurisdictions have already revamped their school curriculums in response to her advocacy.

Raising awareness around stealthing is a natural progression from the earlier campaign, she said, because it’s a type of sexual misconduct that can be curbed by teaching consent. 

“My work revolves around these concepts of normalised violence, rather than the kind that’s intentional or malicious,” she said.

“If someone is a paedophile or a sadistic person, consent education is never going to stop them from doing what they do. But what consent education can do is counteract male entitlement, societal norms about what and how sex is meant to be.

“I see stealthing as an act that, I can just really understand how easily it can be done, out of entitlement or being used to sexual gratification. I think it’s extremely preventable if we have strong discourse that it’s not the right thing to do.”

A study on stealthing published by RMIT University and the Australia Institute last month said only 15% of Australians were familiar with the term, and that 56% didn’t know if it was legal. A survey found 81% of respondents supported criminalising it.

The ACT, NSW, and Victoria have recently criminalised stealthing, and a Queensland review has recommended doing so in that state as well. South Australia and Western Australia are currently conducting reviews into stealthing laws.

Stealthing “puts individuals at risk of unintended pregnancy and the transmission of sexually transmitted infections”, the study said, adding that survivors “may also experience psychological trauma and feelings of guilt and shame”.

Queensland Attorney-General Shannon Fentiman told Crikey she hopes to introduce a bill criminalising stealthing to Parliament next year to make sure “Queensland’s laws are up to date with community expectations”.

“I’m absolutely thrilled that Chanel Contos has taken the time to address Queensland MPs about such important issues to keep women and girls safe,” Fentiman said.

“Chanel is a tireless campaigner against sexual violence, stealthing, and making sure consent education will be part of the school curriculum.”

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If you or someone you know is affected by sexual assault or violence, call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732 or visit 1800RESPECT.org.au. In an emergency, call 000.