A nice little double in today’s op-eds in The Australian. The last stage of capitalism may not be imperialism or monopoly, but Pollyannaism — the desperate appeal to an optimism devoid of specifics. Nick Cater has one of these, which he’s written umpteen times before. Kiss of the whip this time is that, in a column on “optimism”, he has this line:

Christopher Pearson, a former columnist for The Australian who died in 2013, noted the deep-seated pessimism in the rhetoric of global warming …

Christopher Pearson? You’re quoting Christopher Pearson in a column on optimism? He was the single most despairing man I ever met, who held himself together only by cleaving to a literal Catholicism whose founding belief is that we are born in sin. What’s next on the Catering show, Jeffrey Dahmer’s vegan cookbook?

Who’s publishing these pessimists anyway? Well, the Oz for one. Across the fold, it’s Maaauuuuuuurice Newman. Sing it, space cowboy:

Turnbull appears to believe a fun-loving, optimistic persona will attract the voter support he craves. Of course, optimism, positivity and a “don’t worry, be happy” song have their place. But …

But? What but? But us no buts, space cowboy. What’s the deal:

Australia is unprepared for a global slowdown. More than a quarter-century of uninterrupted growth has created arrogant leaders who “don’t read all the negative stuff” and show contempt for the laws of economics and unintended consequences … Not only has this divided society on economic grounds, it has undermined belief in a value system that gave us resilience, long a feature of the Australian economy. Come the next recession we will miss that resilience and there will be no China or Howard-Costello surplus to shelter us.

Jaysus, Mauuuuuurice, way to kill the buzz. Still, you can’t say The Australian doesn’t give you pluralism: contentless optimism versus contentless pessimism. Beats sober analysis I guess. Pollyanna versus Eeyore. Grudge match. Foxtel should siphon that off for pay-per-view.